Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The best revenge is premature balding
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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