Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
