I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
