Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
