two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
