I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
