oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am midnight drunk by noon
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
