Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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