okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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