U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
