Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
