So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
