i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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