Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
