my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
