Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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