i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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