Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
