dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
