And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
