is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
