I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
