He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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