Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
