she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
