I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My vagina is officially offended.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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