Old men and throwing up are my life now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
