He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
