you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
