Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
