aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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