bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
