shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
