going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Someone came in the potted fern
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
