1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
