i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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