I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
