i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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