I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
