My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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