Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
