Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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