I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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