I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
