And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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