Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
