Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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