just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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