Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
