Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
