Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
