i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
