I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
