3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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