Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
