i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
