in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
