YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
