wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
